TMC
2012-12-06 08:56:13 UTC
http://lebeauleblog.com/2012/09/23/what-the-hell-happened-to-daryl-hannah/
Posted by lebeau
Looking over Daryl Hannah’s filmopgraphy, it’s surprisingly
impressive. Hannah rose to prominence in the early 80′s and then was
kind of forgotten about. Moreso than a lot of other actresses I have
covered. She’s worked with top directors like Ridley Scott, Ron
Howard, Quentin Tarantino and Oliver Stone and co-starred alongside
Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford and Michael Douglas. What the hell happened?
Hannah’s first appearance on the big screen was a small role in Brian
de Palma’s supernatural thriller, The Fury in 1978. In 1981, she had
another small role opposite Kim Basinger in Hard Country.
In 1982, Hannah landed a small but significant role in Rideley Scott’s
sci-fi masterpiece, Blade Runner.
Hannah played Pris, one of four artificial life forms (“replicants”)
hunted down by Harrison Ford. Pris was “a basic pleasure model” which
meant she was the most vulnerable of the replicants. Hannah’s shy,
waifish performance would be the template for many roles to follow.
At the time of its release, Blade Runner got mixed reviews and was a
disappointment at the box office. But it went on to develop a strong
cult following. It is now generally considered a great movie released
ahead of its time.
In 1982, Hannah landed a small but significant role in Rideley Scott’s
sci-fi masterpiece, Blade Runner.
Hannah played Pris, one of four artificial life forms (“replicants”)
hunted down by Harrison Ford. Pris was “a basic pleasure model” which
meant she was the most vulnerable of the replicants. Hannah’s shy,
waifish performance would be the template for many roles to follow.
At the time of its release, Blade Runner got mixed reviews and was a
disappointment at the box office. But it went on to develop a strong
cult following. It is now generally considered a great movie released
ahead of its time.
Later that summer, Hannah appeared opposite a young Peter Gallagher in
the three-way love story, Summer Lovers.
Just to clarify, when I refered to Summer Lovers as a three-way love
story, I don’t mean that it is about a love triangle. It’s about a
threesome. In spite of the titillating subject matter, a gorgeous
Greek setting and a beautiful cast, Summer Lovers didn’t attract much
attention from critics or audiences.
In 1983, Hannah appeared in a B-grade slasher film, The Final Terror.
Despite the title, The Final Terror was not a sequel to anything. It
was actually directed by Andrew Davis who would go on to direct The
Fugitive and Under Siege.
1984 was a big year for Hannah. But it started off very small with
the low-budget love story, Reckless co-starring Aiden Quinn. Reckless
performed well in relation to its small budget.
Hannah’s career changed forever when she played a mermaid in Ron
Howard’s romantic comedy, Splash.
Splash was an important movie for a lot of reasons. It was the first
film released under Disney’s Touchstone label. Touchstone was created
so that Disney could release movies that were deemed inappropriate for
the company’s squeeky clean family image. The success of Splash got
Touchstone off to a great start.
The film helped launch the careers of Hannah and her co-star Tom
Hanks. It established Howard as an A-list director and gave a boost
to Second City vets John Candy and Eugene Levy who appeared in
supporting roles.
Originally, Splash was competing with another mermaid-themed movie
from Warner Brothers that was to have starred Warren Beatty. Ron
Howard promised Disney that his film would be filmed faster and
cheaper than the competing film. Which, if you know anything at all
about Warren Beatty, is a pretty safe bet. Not surprisngly, Beatty’s
mermaid project never saw the light of day.
Splash was well-reviewed by critics and a smash hit with audiences.
Later that year, Hannah appeared opposite Mickey Rourke and Eric
Roberts (two guys who scream out for WTHH treatment) in The Pope of
Greenwhich Village.
Pope was originally intended to be the first on-screen pairing of
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. At the time, Michael Cimino was attached
to direct. Pope was released to mostly positive reviews, but it was
overlooked at the box office.
In 1986, Hannah starred in the infamous flop, The Clan of the Cave
Bear.
Clan of the Cave Bear is an odd movie. It’s the kind of movie that
makes you wonder how it ever got made. It was based on a book about a
young Cro-Magnon woman. Hannah’s character was separated from her
family and orphaned during an earthquake. She is found by a group of
Neanderthals.
The movie has almost no dialogue since the characters are all cave
people. Instead, the actors communicate through sign language. That
sort of thing works in a book. But it is really hard to pull off in a
movie. Unfortunately, The Clan of the Cave Bear was not up to the
task. The reviews were terrible and the movie bombed at the box
office.
Later that year, Hannah co-starred opposite Robert Redford and Debra
Winger in the comedy, Legal Eagles.
Expectations for Legal Eagles were pretty high. Redford and Winger
were both A-list stars. Hannah was bankable in spite of Clan of the
Cave Bear. And it was the follow-up to director Ivan Reitman’s smash
hit, Ghostbusters.
Reviews for Legal Eagles were mixed. Although it made a profit at the
box office, it was a disappointment in relation to expectations.
1987 was a better year for Hannah. First, she starred opposite Steve
Martin in the romantic comedy, Roxanne.
Roxanne was Martin’s modern-day retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac.
Hannah played the dream girl to Martin’s long-nosed poet. Roxanne was
well-reviewed and a hit at the box office.
Later that year, Hannah co-starred opposite Charlie Sheen and Michael
Douglas in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street.
Wall Street was an infamously troubled production. Hannah, who is a
crusader for several causes in real life, never connected to her
character who was defined by her materialism. She was unhappy with
the role which lead to clashes with Stone. Stone has said many
unflattering things about Hannah’s acting abilities over the years as
a result.
Making matters worse was Sean Young. Young (who also appeared in
Blade Runner) had a smaller role in the film. She kept trying to
convince Stone to fire Hannah because she wanted the larger role.
Stone later admitted that he should have fired Hannah but his pride
got in the way. The director was so annoyed with Young’s campaigning
that he had her dumped at a bus station when she was done filming.
Despite the behind the scenes difficulty, Wall Street got good
reviews. It tapped into the zeitgeist of the 80′s. “Greed is good”
became a popular catchphrase. Douglas won an Oscar and the movie was
a hit.
In 1988 Hannah co-starred in the supernatural comedy, High Spirits
opposite Peter O’Toole and Steve Guttenberg.
High Spirits was written and directed by Neil Jordan. It also co-
starred a pre-fame Liam Neeson. But the ghostly romantic comedy was a
miss with critics and audiences.
And yes, I did just copy and paste that from the article on
Guttenberg. No one should have to write about High Spirits twice.
In 1989, Hannah had a small role in Woody Allen’s Crimes and
Misdemeanors.
Getting cast in a Woody Allen movie is a rite of passage in
Hollywood. It’s a sign that you have made it. Hannah’s role was
small, but that is besides the point. When Woody Allen asks you to
appear in one of his movies, it’s understood that you say “yes”. At
least Hannah appeared in one of the Woodman’s better movies (even if I
forgot she was actually in it).
Later that year, Hannah appeared alongside an impressive ensemble for
the comedy-drama, Steel Magnolias.
I probably don’t have to tell anyone what Steel Magnolias is. Most
women have it memorized. Most men view it as kryptonite. Based on
the play by Robert Harling, Magnolias tells the story of a bunch of
Southern women played by the likes of Sally Field, Dolly Parton,
Shirley MacLaine and a pre-fame Julia Roberts.
The women laugh, bond, do hair, gossip, give each other make-overs and
then Julia Roberts dies and everyone cries. It’s the kind of movie
that includes a character named “Ouiser” (pronounced “Wheezy”.) And
yes, if you are a man, it is kind of like kryptonite.
Steel Magnolias got decent reviews and was a hit at the box office.
It helped kick off a craze of similar female oriented flicks. And
while I will personally never sit through it again, I have to admit it
is superior to most of its imitators.
For the record, Terms of Endearment is 1,000 times better.
In 1990, Hannah starred opposite Dudley Moore in the comedy, Crazy
People.
Moore was a very unconventional movie star. After having hits with 10
and Arthur, pretty much everything he touched after that was a
failure. Crazy People was no exception.
In 1991, Hannah appeared in the drama At Play in the Fields of the
Lord. The cast included Hannah’s Reckless co-star Aidan Quinn.
Reviews were mixed and the movie bombed.
In 1992, Hannah starred opposite an invisible Chevy Chase (the best
kind) in John Carpenter’s Memoirs of an Invisible Man.
Invisible Man was a vanity project for Chase. Chase intended to use
the movie as a segue into less comedic roles. He had originally
tapped Hannah’s Legal Eagles director, Ivan Reitman, to direct. But
when Reitman realized the film was not a broad comedy, he bailed.
Legendary screen-writer William Goldman also left the troubled project
stating, “I am too old and too rish for this shit.” That sounds like
the reaction of a man tapped to work with prima donna, Chase.
John Carpenter, who was best known for his horror and genre films, was
brought in to direct. Like Chase, Carpenter was looking to expand his
horizons a little. Unfortunately for both of them, critics reviled
Memoirs of an Invisible Man and the movie tanked at the box office.
In 1993, Hannah starred in a TV remake of The Attack of the 50 Foot
Woman.
The movie debuted on HBO and was released theatrically in Europe. I
was all ready to make fun of this movie because it’s a remake of
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. But then I noticed it was directed by
Christopher Guest. So, it can’t be all bad.
Later that year, Hannah had a surprise hit opposite Jack Lemmon and
Walter Matthau in the geriatric comedy, Grumpy Old Men.
Hannah’s role is a small one. But she was back on the big screen in a
big hit movie. The reviews were actually surprisingly good too.
In 1994, Hannah appeared in the remake of The Little Rascals. Reviews
were mostly negative. The box office was middling. But Hannah’s role
was small.
In 1995, Hannah took on a larger role in Wesley Strick’s thriller, The
Ties That Bind.
Vincent Spano and Moira Kelly starred as a couple whose adopted
daughter is revealed to have psychotic parents. Hannah and Keith
Carradine play the crazy parents that want their child back.
Presumably thrills ensue as this is a thriller.
Hannah also appeared in Grumpier Old Men, the sequel to the surprise
hit, Grumpy Old Men. It’s a shame they couldn’t complete the trilogy
with Grumpiest Old Men or Grumpy Old Men: Grump Harder. Grumpy Dead
Men would have been a tad depressing.
In 1996, Hannah starred opposite Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith
in the screwball comedy, Two Much.
I can’t possibly be expected to read the synopsis of this thing. Did
it involve twins? Let’s just assume Banderas played twins, shall we?
I suggest that if the movie had been called Too Sexy it would have
been a hit. Reviews would have still been bad, but that’s almost a
given when you remake a French screwball comedy. That shit don’t play
stateside. Since the movie was named Two Much, audiences took the
hint and stayed home.
On the upside, Banderas and Griffith fell in love and married the next
year. Which probably means I am going to have to track this thing
down before I write What the Hell Happened to Melanie Griffith? In
other news, WTHH to Melanie Griffith has been put on indefinite hold.
In 1998, Hannah had roles in The Gingerbread Man (also known as the
only John Grisham movie to flop) and The Real Blonde.
She also played Morticia Addams in the direct-to-video sequel, Addams
Family Reunion. Going from Angelica Huston to Daryl Hannah is a bit
like going from Christina Ricci to whoever the hell that is playing
Wednesday Addams in that picture. No offense to Hannah or the no-name
girl in the picture, of course.
She also appeared opposite Christopher Reeve in the TV movie, Rear
Window. Yeah, that’s right. It’s a remake of one of Alfred
Hitchcock’s most beloved movies of all time. And it’s a TV movie.
Look, I know Reeve was in a wheelchair. No fan is more broken up
about what happened to Reeve than me. But still, that’s no excuse to
fuck up Rear Window. Going from Grace Kelly to Hannah is a lot like
trading Jimmy Stewart for Superman in a wheelchair.
That same year, Gus Van Sant remade Psycho with Vince Vaughn
masturbating. WTF Hollywood?
Usually when we hit the “direct-to-video sequel” stage of the career,
it’s time to wrap things up and go home. But not this time. In 1999,
Hannah starred opposite Jeff Daniels and Christopher Lloyd in the
remake of the TV show My Favorite Martian.
Seriously, they made a movie out of My Favorite Martian? And I saw
it? I swear it was on cable on a rainy day. We were out of town and
I was bored. I may have been napping, I don’t know.
No surprise the reviews were horrible and the movie bombed.
It’s time to speed this up. So I’m going to start skipping over
anything that didn’t get a theatrical release or grossed less than 10
million dollars at the box office. That leaves 2002′s Many Moore
weepy, A Walk to Remember.
Oh and what’s this…
I see Kilmer. First rule of WTHH is never skip over Kilmer. Hannah
also appeared opposite Christian Slater and Val Kilmer in Hard Cash.
I have never seen Hard Cash, but it keeps popping up in these
articles.
It’s funny because Val Kilmer got fat.
Okay, looks like we’re done here. Nothing left to see. Direct to
video sequels? Check. Co-starring with Val Kilmer? Check.
Christian Slater? Bonus check. That’s it. Career over! AmIright?
Nope. In 2003 and 2004, Hannah appeared as a one-eyed assassin in
Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Volume 1 & 2.
Tarantino just won’t let a career die. So if you have complaints
about the length of this article, take it up with him.
For the record, Kill Bill is awesome.
But even the great Tarantino has his limits. Not every role leads to
a Travolta-style career revival. By 2008, Hannah was starring in the
Syfy original, Shark Swarm opposite Bo Duke/Pa Kent (depending how old
you are).
Now we’re done. For real done. Well, unless you guys want to see
some plastic surgery pictures. But you guys probably don’t want to…
Is it just me or does that look a lot like Travolta in drag?
I thought so.
Posted by lebeau
Looking over Daryl Hannah’s filmopgraphy, it’s surprisingly
impressive. Hannah rose to prominence in the early 80′s and then was
kind of forgotten about. Moreso than a lot of other actresses I have
covered. She’s worked with top directors like Ridley Scott, Ron
Howard, Quentin Tarantino and Oliver Stone and co-starred alongside
Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford and Michael Douglas. What the hell happened?
Hannah’s first appearance on the big screen was a small role in Brian
de Palma’s supernatural thriller, The Fury in 1978. In 1981, she had
another small role opposite Kim Basinger in Hard Country.
In 1982, Hannah landed a small but significant role in Rideley Scott’s
sci-fi masterpiece, Blade Runner.
Hannah played Pris, one of four artificial life forms (“replicants”)
hunted down by Harrison Ford. Pris was “a basic pleasure model” which
meant she was the most vulnerable of the replicants. Hannah’s shy,
waifish performance would be the template for many roles to follow.
At the time of its release, Blade Runner got mixed reviews and was a
disappointment at the box office. But it went on to develop a strong
cult following. It is now generally considered a great movie released
ahead of its time.
In 1982, Hannah landed a small but significant role in Rideley Scott’s
sci-fi masterpiece, Blade Runner.
Hannah played Pris, one of four artificial life forms (“replicants”)
hunted down by Harrison Ford. Pris was “a basic pleasure model” which
meant she was the most vulnerable of the replicants. Hannah’s shy,
waifish performance would be the template for many roles to follow.
At the time of its release, Blade Runner got mixed reviews and was a
disappointment at the box office. But it went on to develop a strong
cult following. It is now generally considered a great movie released
ahead of its time.
Later that summer, Hannah appeared opposite a young Peter Gallagher in
the three-way love story, Summer Lovers.
Just to clarify, when I refered to Summer Lovers as a three-way love
story, I don’t mean that it is about a love triangle. It’s about a
threesome. In spite of the titillating subject matter, a gorgeous
Greek setting and a beautiful cast, Summer Lovers didn’t attract much
attention from critics or audiences.
In 1983, Hannah appeared in a B-grade slasher film, The Final Terror.
Despite the title, The Final Terror was not a sequel to anything. It
was actually directed by Andrew Davis who would go on to direct The
Fugitive and Under Siege.
1984 was a big year for Hannah. But it started off very small with
the low-budget love story, Reckless co-starring Aiden Quinn. Reckless
performed well in relation to its small budget.
Hannah’s career changed forever when she played a mermaid in Ron
Howard’s romantic comedy, Splash.
Splash was an important movie for a lot of reasons. It was the first
film released under Disney’s Touchstone label. Touchstone was created
so that Disney could release movies that were deemed inappropriate for
the company’s squeeky clean family image. The success of Splash got
Touchstone off to a great start.
The film helped launch the careers of Hannah and her co-star Tom
Hanks. It established Howard as an A-list director and gave a boost
to Second City vets John Candy and Eugene Levy who appeared in
supporting roles.
Originally, Splash was competing with another mermaid-themed movie
from Warner Brothers that was to have starred Warren Beatty. Ron
Howard promised Disney that his film would be filmed faster and
cheaper than the competing film. Which, if you know anything at all
about Warren Beatty, is a pretty safe bet. Not surprisngly, Beatty’s
mermaid project never saw the light of day.
Splash was well-reviewed by critics and a smash hit with audiences.
Later that year, Hannah appeared opposite Mickey Rourke and Eric
Roberts (two guys who scream out for WTHH treatment) in The Pope of
Greenwhich Village.
Pope was originally intended to be the first on-screen pairing of
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. At the time, Michael Cimino was attached
to direct. Pope was released to mostly positive reviews, but it was
overlooked at the box office.
In 1986, Hannah starred in the infamous flop, The Clan of the Cave
Bear.
Clan of the Cave Bear is an odd movie. It’s the kind of movie that
makes you wonder how it ever got made. It was based on a book about a
young Cro-Magnon woman. Hannah’s character was separated from her
family and orphaned during an earthquake. She is found by a group of
Neanderthals.
The movie has almost no dialogue since the characters are all cave
people. Instead, the actors communicate through sign language. That
sort of thing works in a book. But it is really hard to pull off in a
movie. Unfortunately, The Clan of the Cave Bear was not up to the
task. The reviews were terrible and the movie bombed at the box
office.
Later that year, Hannah co-starred opposite Robert Redford and Debra
Winger in the comedy, Legal Eagles.
Expectations for Legal Eagles were pretty high. Redford and Winger
were both A-list stars. Hannah was bankable in spite of Clan of the
Cave Bear. And it was the follow-up to director Ivan Reitman’s smash
hit, Ghostbusters.
Reviews for Legal Eagles were mixed. Although it made a profit at the
box office, it was a disappointment in relation to expectations.
1987 was a better year for Hannah. First, she starred opposite Steve
Martin in the romantic comedy, Roxanne.
Roxanne was Martin’s modern-day retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac.
Hannah played the dream girl to Martin’s long-nosed poet. Roxanne was
well-reviewed and a hit at the box office.
Later that year, Hannah co-starred opposite Charlie Sheen and Michael
Douglas in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street.
Wall Street was an infamously troubled production. Hannah, who is a
crusader for several causes in real life, never connected to her
character who was defined by her materialism. She was unhappy with
the role which lead to clashes with Stone. Stone has said many
unflattering things about Hannah’s acting abilities over the years as
a result.
Making matters worse was Sean Young. Young (who also appeared in
Blade Runner) had a smaller role in the film. She kept trying to
convince Stone to fire Hannah because she wanted the larger role.
Stone later admitted that he should have fired Hannah but his pride
got in the way. The director was so annoyed with Young’s campaigning
that he had her dumped at a bus station when she was done filming.
Despite the behind the scenes difficulty, Wall Street got good
reviews. It tapped into the zeitgeist of the 80′s. “Greed is good”
became a popular catchphrase. Douglas won an Oscar and the movie was
a hit.
In 1988 Hannah co-starred in the supernatural comedy, High Spirits
opposite Peter O’Toole and Steve Guttenberg.
High Spirits was written and directed by Neil Jordan. It also co-
starred a pre-fame Liam Neeson. But the ghostly romantic comedy was a
miss with critics and audiences.
And yes, I did just copy and paste that from the article on
Guttenberg. No one should have to write about High Spirits twice.
In 1989, Hannah had a small role in Woody Allen’s Crimes and
Misdemeanors.
Getting cast in a Woody Allen movie is a rite of passage in
Hollywood. It’s a sign that you have made it. Hannah’s role was
small, but that is besides the point. When Woody Allen asks you to
appear in one of his movies, it’s understood that you say “yes”. At
least Hannah appeared in one of the Woodman’s better movies (even if I
forgot she was actually in it).
Later that year, Hannah appeared alongside an impressive ensemble for
the comedy-drama, Steel Magnolias.
I probably don’t have to tell anyone what Steel Magnolias is. Most
women have it memorized. Most men view it as kryptonite. Based on
the play by Robert Harling, Magnolias tells the story of a bunch of
Southern women played by the likes of Sally Field, Dolly Parton,
Shirley MacLaine and a pre-fame Julia Roberts.
The women laugh, bond, do hair, gossip, give each other make-overs and
then Julia Roberts dies and everyone cries. It’s the kind of movie
that includes a character named “Ouiser” (pronounced “Wheezy”.) And
yes, if you are a man, it is kind of like kryptonite.
Steel Magnolias got decent reviews and was a hit at the box office.
It helped kick off a craze of similar female oriented flicks. And
while I will personally never sit through it again, I have to admit it
is superior to most of its imitators.
For the record, Terms of Endearment is 1,000 times better.
In 1990, Hannah starred opposite Dudley Moore in the comedy, Crazy
People.
Moore was a very unconventional movie star. After having hits with 10
and Arthur, pretty much everything he touched after that was a
failure. Crazy People was no exception.
In 1991, Hannah appeared in the drama At Play in the Fields of the
Lord. The cast included Hannah’s Reckless co-star Aidan Quinn.
Reviews were mixed and the movie bombed.
In 1992, Hannah starred opposite an invisible Chevy Chase (the best
kind) in John Carpenter’s Memoirs of an Invisible Man.
Invisible Man was a vanity project for Chase. Chase intended to use
the movie as a segue into less comedic roles. He had originally
tapped Hannah’s Legal Eagles director, Ivan Reitman, to direct. But
when Reitman realized the film was not a broad comedy, he bailed.
Legendary screen-writer William Goldman also left the troubled project
stating, “I am too old and too rish for this shit.” That sounds like
the reaction of a man tapped to work with prima donna, Chase.
John Carpenter, who was best known for his horror and genre films, was
brought in to direct. Like Chase, Carpenter was looking to expand his
horizons a little. Unfortunately for both of them, critics reviled
Memoirs of an Invisible Man and the movie tanked at the box office.
In 1993, Hannah starred in a TV remake of The Attack of the 50 Foot
Woman.
The movie debuted on HBO and was released theatrically in Europe. I
was all ready to make fun of this movie because it’s a remake of
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. But then I noticed it was directed by
Christopher Guest. So, it can’t be all bad.
Later that year, Hannah had a surprise hit opposite Jack Lemmon and
Walter Matthau in the geriatric comedy, Grumpy Old Men.
Hannah’s role is a small one. But she was back on the big screen in a
big hit movie. The reviews were actually surprisingly good too.
In 1994, Hannah appeared in the remake of The Little Rascals. Reviews
were mostly negative. The box office was middling. But Hannah’s role
was small.
In 1995, Hannah took on a larger role in Wesley Strick’s thriller, The
Ties That Bind.
Vincent Spano and Moira Kelly starred as a couple whose adopted
daughter is revealed to have psychotic parents. Hannah and Keith
Carradine play the crazy parents that want their child back.
Presumably thrills ensue as this is a thriller.
Hannah also appeared in Grumpier Old Men, the sequel to the surprise
hit, Grumpy Old Men. It’s a shame they couldn’t complete the trilogy
with Grumpiest Old Men or Grumpy Old Men: Grump Harder. Grumpy Dead
Men would have been a tad depressing.
In 1996, Hannah starred opposite Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith
in the screwball comedy, Two Much.
I can’t possibly be expected to read the synopsis of this thing. Did
it involve twins? Let’s just assume Banderas played twins, shall we?
I suggest that if the movie had been called Too Sexy it would have
been a hit. Reviews would have still been bad, but that’s almost a
given when you remake a French screwball comedy. That shit don’t play
stateside. Since the movie was named Two Much, audiences took the
hint and stayed home.
On the upside, Banderas and Griffith fell in love and married the next
year. Which probably means I am going to have to track this thing
down before I write What the Hell Happened to Melanie Griffith? In
other news, WTHH to Melanie Griffith has been put on indefinite hold.
In 1998, Hannah had roles in The Gingerbread Man (also known as the
only John Grisham movie to flop) and The Real Blonde.
She also played Morticia Addams in the direct-to-video sequel, Addams
Family Reunion. Going from Angelica Huston to Daryl Hannah is a bit
like going from Christina Ricci to whoever the hell that is playing
Wednesday Addams in that picture. No offense to Hannah or the no-name
girl in the picture, of course.
She also appeared opposite Christopher Reeve in the TV movie, Rear
Window. Yeah, that’s right. It’s a remake of one of Alfred
Hitchcock’s most beloved movies of all time. And it’s a TV movie.
Look, I know Reeve was in a wheelchair. No fan is more broken up
about what happened to Reeve than me. But still, that’s no excuse to
fuck up Rear Window. Going from Grace Kelly to Hannah is a lot like
trading Jimmy Stewart for Superman in a wheelchair.
That same year, Gus Van Sant remade Psycho with Vince Vaughn
masturbating. WTF Hollywood?
Usually when we hit the “direct-to-video sequel” stage of the career,
it’s time to wrap things up and go home. But not this time. In 1999,
Hannah starred opposite Jeff Daniels and Christopher Lloyd in the
remake of the TV show My Favorite Martian.
Seriously, they made a movie out of My Favorite Martian? And I saw
it? I swear it was on cable on a rainy day. We were out of town and
I was bored. I may have been napping, I don’t know.
No surprise the reviews were horrible and the movie bombed.
It’s time to speed this up. So I’m going to start skipping over
anything that didn’t get a theatrical release or grossed less than 10
million dollars at the box office. That leaves 2002′s Many Moore
weepy, A Walk to Remember.
Oh and what’s this…
I see Kilmer. First rule of WTHH is never skip over Kilmer. Hannah
also appeared opposite Christian Slater and Val Kilmer in Hard Cash.
I have never seen Hard Cash, but it keeps popping up in these
articles.
It’s funny because Val Kilmer got fat.
Okay, looks like we’re done here. Nothing left to see. Direct to
video sequels? Check. Co-starring with Val Kilmer? Check.
Christian Slater? Bonus check. That’s it. Career over! AmIright?
Nope. In 2003 and 2004, Hannah appeared as a one-eyed assassin in
Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Volume 1 & 2.
Tarantino just won’t let a career die. So if you have complaints
about the length of this article, take it up with him.
For the record, Kill Bill is awesome.
But even the great Tarantino has his limits. Not every role leads to
a Travolta-style career revival. By 2008, Hannah was starring in the
Syfy original, Shark Swarm opposite Bo Duke/Pa Kent (depending how old
you are).
Now we’re done. For real done. Well, unless you guys want to see
some plastic surgery pictures. But you guys probably don’t want to…
Is it just me or does that look a lot like Travolta in drag?
I thought so.